... easily the funniest stand - up I’ve ever seen
Jeremy Clarkson, The Sun
|
Tue 12 May 2026
Booking for a group?
Get in touchBook tickets
Booking for a group?
Get in touchComedy legend Jasper Carrott in a night of comedy heaven. With a career that spans decades, the indefatigable Jasper continues to tour and leave audiences breathless with laughter. Rightly known as the godfather of British comedy, he brings to this show his trademark razor-sharp wit and charm. One not to be missed! Jasper’s Special Guests, Strictly ABBA, add a touch of pure ABBA entertainment. Featuring all the best-loved ABBA songs, Dancing Queen, Waterloo, The Name of the Game, and many, many more!
Discover Orchard West
Mix and match your favourite shows and unlock exclusive discounts.
Join us at Orchard West for our monthly Craft Club! Settle into the foyer and get stuck into something creative, with a different project planned every month! Enjoy a drink, conversation and creative vibes, before taking home your masterpiece. Capture the delicate beauty of a flower inside a resin necklace. All materials supplied to make your very own unique jewellery piece Bar Open: 7pm - 9pm Crafting: 7.15pm - 9.15pm
“Mummy, I love your boobies…they’re so long!” Lola, age 10 The Funny Mummy is back in Dartford, due to popular demand, with this hilarious show, all about the bonkers world of parenting. With over 40k followers, and 23 million views on social media, The Funny Mummy is one of the UK's most popular parenting comedians. From pregnancy to playdates, whatsapp groups to school runs – If you’re a parent, and you need a laugh, then this show is for you! Featuring the viral parody 'gangsta's paradise school whatsapp group', 'smug mum' and more!
Love live entertainment?
Join Priority Live and get more from every show, from early access to tickets to exclusive member-only perks.
